None of us really has a “normal” relationship with food. Whether we’re counting calories, or trying to lose weight or gain muscle mass, our low-level body anxiety distorts our perception of what a balanced diet looks like and tends suck the joy out of every meal.

But what if your relationship with food somehow connected with your sexual kinks and turn-ons?

At the vanilla end of that spectrum is probably something like licking whipped cream of a guy’s body – pretty much something that everyone could get on board with, unless you’re lactose-intolerant. 

Food often features in the sploshing or gunge kink scene – smearing something wet and sticky all over your body is slutty and horny. Do I want to watch you squishing custard donuts between your thighs? Absolutely.

At the more extreme end of the food-as-kink spectrum is where you’ll find feeders. It’s extreme in the sense that it’s perhaps the most difficult to unpack psychologically, but we’re going to give it a go.

What is a Feeder or Weight Gain Kink?

Whether you describe it as a kink or a sexual preference or fetish isn’t really important, but there’s a definitely sexual edge to this food-based power-dynamic.

A feeder kink is all about gaining weight – gorging on food in order to gain weight.

This can be a solo endeavour – you can be turned on by feeding yourself and watching yourself grow.

More commonly, it takes two to tango – a feeder and a feedee. The sexual arousal is in play for both parties – the feeder is turned on by helping their partner gain weight, and the feedee is turned on by gaining weight. Both of you are also turned on by the elements of domination and submission that characterise a feeder/feedee relationship.

Beyond that, there aren’t really any rules to how this kink operates on a day-to-day basis. For example, your boyfriend might be a horny skinny twink who strokes his own Hot Dog while you feed him a chorizo – you’re both getting turned-on by watching him gain weight, you’re both turned-on by the control you have over him.

Like many gay BDSM relationships, for those who are into a feeder kink, it’s all about control – but you don’t need bondage and gags, food is your weapon of choice.

What’s the appeal of a Feeder Kink?

If you’re drawn to the power dynamics of domination and submission, there’s a broad range of BDSM scenes that you could throw yourself into, so why would you be inclined to explore a feeder kink?

If you’re the feedee, you’re responding to being controlled, to being submissive. While lots of guys pursue gay submissive experiences in relationships or gay hookups, there is something liberating in having decisions about food taken out of your hands. It is a regression role-play to some extent – you’re a big baby who just eats whatever is served to you. You don’t need to worry about anything.

If you’re the feeder, there is a clear nurturing aspect to your power dynamic. You are taking care of your feeder. They rely on you, they depend on you, they need you. There is nothing more nurturing than food.

Is a Feeder Kink Dangerous or an Eating Disorder?

Physically, a feeder kink is only as dangerous as the participants allow it to be. Like all sexual encounters, informed, sober consent should be the foundation of a feeder/feedee dynamic. There should be a clear safe-word in place or some mechanism that keeps everyone on the same page.

Psychologically, it’s a bit more complicated. If your sexual arousal pushes you to eat yourself to obesity, your relationship with food is likely to be a little problematic. Conversely, if feeding someone is your sexual turn-on, where is your head at in terms of nutrition and healthy eating?

Ultimately, these are two adults consenting to explore a power dynamic that appeals to them both. We don’t kink-shame here.

Does a Feeder Kink Have to Translate Into a Force Feeding Kink?

Force-feeding does feature in some feeder/feedee relationships, but you can explore a feeder kink without using force-feeding.

It’s the two people involved in the relationship that set the boundaries and the rules of how the feeder kink is going to work – they’re the ones that have consented to it. If that includes force-feeding, then that’s what they’ve both signed up for.

If force-feeding wasn’t agreed upon then that’s an example of when the safe-word should be used so that the boundaries can be discussed and adjusted as required.

If discussion of boundaries isn’t possible then that isn’t a healthy BDSM relationship and the parties should go their separate ways.

How Do I Know If I Am Into a Gaining Kink?

If you’re asking the question then it’s a pretty good indication that there’s something about this kink that has got your attention.

Take some time to reflect on what aspects of the kink appeal to you. Do you visualise yourself as dominant and taking control and feeding someone, or do you visualise yourself as submissive and wanting someone to feed you?

Put the technology to work and use a hook-up app like Squirt to let guys know what you’re looking for. Make it clear in your bio what role you’re looking to explore. It’s okay to be upfront that you’re new to the kink but interested in exploring – don’t pretend to be someone that you’re not.

If this is a kink that you’ve got some experience in, slide into our DMs and share your insights. We don’t kink-shame here.